Making Friends When You Don't Know Anyone

Making Friends When You Don't Know Anyone

I arrived in Brisbane at the end of January to start a PhD in chemical engineering at UQ. I didn't know a single person in Australia. My nearest family member was 11,000 kilometres away. I had a room in a share house in Toowong with three other students who worked different hours and weren't particularly social.

For the first four weeks, I ate dinner alone almost every night. This is not me being dramatic — it's the honest reality of arriving somewhere new as a postgraduate student in your late twenties, where the typical 'meet people at O-Week' approach doesn't really apply the same way it does at undergraduate level.

What didn't work

I'll start here because nobody talks about the failures.

Waiting to be included. I sat in the common areas of my department hoping someone would invite me to things. They didn't — not because they were unkind, but because they all had established social rhythms and weren't thinking about a new arrival who seemed self-sufficient.

Generic socialising. I went to a UQ international student welcome event that had 400 people and a DJ. I had six short conversations and remembered none of the people's names and they didn't remember mine. Large social events where you don't share a specific context are not efficient for making lasting connections.

Relying only on people from my home culture. There's a Saudi student association at UQ and it's a wonderful resource — but spending all my social time within that group meant I wasn't building the broader Australian experience I'd come for.

What actually worked

The PhD student common room. I started eating lunch in our department's postgraduate common room every single day. Not scrolling my phone — actually present and open to conversation. It took two weeks, but gradually I became a familiar face, then someone who got invited to things, then an actual friend group member. Consistency matters enormously.

A specific, recurring activity. I joined a women's recreational football group that plays on Saturday mornings at UQ. I knew nothing about football. That turned out not to matter at all — everyone is at different levels, the competitive aspect is low, and the social aspect is high. I've been going for 18 months and some of my closest Brisbane friends are from that group. The key is that it's recurring — you see the same people every week, and repeated exposure is the foundation of real friendship.

Being the person who makes the plan. This was the hardest shift for me because I'm naturally more reserved. But I started inviting specific people to specific things: "I'm going to the South Bank markets Saturday morning, do you want to come?" A concrete plan with a concrete time is easier to say yes to than a vague suggestion. Most people want social connection — they just need someone to create the structure.

Bumble BFF. This sounds embarrassing to admit but it was genuinely useful. The app has a friendship mode (not dating) and I used it to find other international women students in Brisbane who were in similar situations. I met two people through it who became real friends. The stigma around it is entirely unwarranted.

The realistic timeline

Here is what nobody tells you: making good friends in a new country takes about six months of consistent, active effort. Not six months of waiting to feel comfortable — six months of showing up even when you'd rather stay home, initiating even when you feel awkward, saying yes to things that aren't your natural preference.

The loneliness in the first couple of months is real and worth acknowledging. I used my university's counselling service during that period and I recommend it without any hesitation. But it does get better, and it gets better faster if you're active about it.

The friends I've made here — from Australia, from China, from Brazil, from Nigeria, from the US — are some of the closest friendships I've had anywhere. There is something about the shared experience of being far from home that creates a particular kind of bond.